I cried over my mom last night. It will be 11 years this coming September when she passed.
It was the morning of September 2, 2001. The hospital said she was all set to come home that day. The night before I had a trivial conversation with two boys from school, thinking everything was going to be fine that Tuesday when I went back to school. I wasn’t worried, this was just one of those times when she got really sick, but would pull through. Just like every other time.
But that morning, four cars simultaneously pulled into my driveway. I was half-asleep, but immediately knew something was wrong. If she were okay, why was my entire family there? I sat up in my bed, hearing my family step into the house. A few muffled conversations. I silently waited, head down, sitting indian-style in bed. They would have to come in eventually, but I already knew what they had to say.
My dad finally came in with my grandma. It was then that I knew for sure she was dead and tears pierced the back of my eyes but didn’t fall. My dad hugged me and simply said, “She did not make it” as tears ran down his own face.
That’s when I did start crying, but probably for the wrong reasons. Selfishly enough, I automatically switched to making it about me and being an overly dramatic 15-year-old, I sobbed and said, “I can’t handle this right now. How am I supposed to handle this?”
I was in a state of shock. I cried some more, but hardly the rest of that day. Or the rest of that week. I walked around like a zombie, afraid to watch TV or to laugh…because somehow going back to “normal” life so soon seemed like a disrespect to the recently deceased. My family members sat around and shared happy memories. I cuddled up with my dad, who for years, I had a strained relationship with. I became sad when my family went back to their own lives and I was left, alone, with my dad who was now a single-father and didn’t know how to raise a teenage girl if his life depended on it.
The day after I got back to school, terrorists flew into the Twin Towers.
It didn’t even phase me. I didn’t really care. I was still a zombie. After all, it had only been eight days since my mother disappeared off the face of the planet.
A month later I stopped eating.
I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine losing my mom even now, let alone as a teenager.
take care. <3
I’m sorry for your loss. I appreciate how your able to post your struggle for all of us to read and relate to.
I’m sorry to hear about that. I don’t know what I would do in that situation.
This is such a piognant post, i’m so sorry for the loss of your mother
xx
I really appreciate you sharing this. It makes me feel like I’m truly part of a family that’s special, something I really love about being a human is knowing that I have great friends and family members like you in my family. I know life is crummy sometimes but there’s so much splendor and glorious beauty and experiences in life that I just am in denial about life being nothing but an accident and chance occurrence and all ending at death. Most people don’t talk about it. And that makes life seem empty. When we share our experiences and emotions with others we’re doing more than just sharing words.. we’re sharing a lifetime, with someone else. We all benefit from each other’s lives. Each of us is valuable beyond our imagination. And I was reminded of that, and felt it once again, as I read your message. Thank you very much for that. Thank you for reminding me that I’m human, and how truly wonderful that actually is. People like you are beautiful and make me happy to be alive, and to know that equally wonderful people who helped make us who we are.. are on the other side waiting very excitedly to see us again and join us for yet another glorious journey. Thank you! -Ben :0)
Omg i heard about that yuh lost ur mom ben evybdy faces gud & bad days in their life but its upto us how we tacke the sitution.ben only mom who can undstd us and i’ll pray for yuh & yur family plizz dont be soo upset it happen but try to rcover from it. DONT WORRY MY MOM IS JUST LIKE UR MOM,SHE LOVES YUH JUS LIKE SHE LOVES MEE.WE R FAMILY BEN & MA MOM IS JUST IKE UR MOM.MYMOM LOVES YUH BEN SUDIN BADE. STRONG BEN
Everyone handles loss differenlty, there is no wrong way to react. Some lose their mom’s when they are born, so when they are babies and some even younger than age 15. Most have mothers that were no more than a baby carrier. They didn’t love or care about their kids or left them with others. You loved your Mom, that tells me she was a good Mom. No one is perfect, not even parents, we learn as we go. After the actual shock and mourning are over, you need to look at what you did have instead of what you don’t have now. It’s the worst to lose a parent at a young age. But you were blessed to have her as long as you did. I know when I look at what others don’t have, no one that loves them, homeless, no jobs, drug addicted etc. My life then looks very very good. I pray for everyone all over this world and or whatever they are dealing with. I lost my Dad in 1997. It took along time before the slideshow stopped in my mind, of how bad he looked dying of cancer, the dreams that were so real. Finally, I started remembering the good times, how great and loving a Dad he was. Bad dreams turned into good dreams like living though old times again. Loss is a big part of life. But, life goes on. We can either dwell on loss, or be grateful for what we had and hold their memories close in our heart. If a person has not gotten to this point after a year, they should seek professional help. There is no need to suffer, your Mom wouldn’t want that, you know she wanted you to go on and live your life to the fullest. Even in my late 40′s, losing my Dad I felt like an orphan. That empty chair will always be there. But, the love he showed me and the times we had together are stronger in my heart and mind. I’ll see my Dad again, he’s in Heaven and I’m going to. First I want to lay my eye’s on my savior, Jesus Christ. and if I can ever take my eyes’ off of him, I want to see my Dad. You have a wonderful talent in writing. I’ll keep you in my prayers. People know my prayers are answered, some in days. Some in weeks and some in years. God works on his own time, not ours. We have to believe and have faith in Jesus to survive this cruel world. God bless you, always