Step 3 — Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.
1.) Why is making a decision central to working this step?
First of all, we can’t be forced to do something we don’t want to do. Step 3 gives us a choice — we can choose to believe in a higher power or not, but regardless, we have to make that choice. Nobody can make it for us.
2.) How was acting on self-will affected my life and others?
I don’t believe in self-will. I believe that everything I do is what I’m meant to do. That makes it very easy to engage in eating disorder behaviors, but at the same time, I can’t really believe in fate if I also believe in self-will. It would be a contradiction. I used to think self-will was anything I chose to do that benefited my eating disorder and God’s will was anything I did for my recovery. But now I think everything I do is God’s will regardless if it’s good or not.
3.) What is the difference between my will and God’s will?
See above.
4.) What is my understanding of a power greater than myself today? How is my higher power working in my life?
My higher power is God, although not in a religious sense. I was baptized Catholic, but I’m not practicing. I don’t go to church, I don’t believe the stories in the Bible, I don’t believe I’m going to Hell for my sins. I just believe there is a power out there who will take care of me, or at least take care of whatever is supposed to be taken care of. If I do the footwork, my higher power will take care of the rest (the things I can’t control).
5.) How does my higher power communicate with me?
Through my conscience, my thoughts, other people, things I read, see, watch, etc.
6.) Is my current concept of a higher power still working? How might it need to change?
Yes, it works.
7.) What does it mean for me to turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him?
It means that I need to surrender things — there are things I cannot control, and learning to accept that and let go is me turning my will and life over to the care of my higher power.
8.) What am I doing to reinforce my decision to allow my Higher Power to care for my will and my life?
Taking one day at a time in regards to work. Everything else is pretty hard — I have this crazy notion I’m going to die in a natural disaster that is going to happen very soon, so it’s had for me to let that go. It’s hard for me to accept I may never have a baby. It’s hard for me to accept my life without an eating disorder.
9.) Am I fighting anything in my recovery? What do I think would happen if I became willing to let recovery prevail in that area of my life?
I’m fighting pretty much everything eating disorder related. I think my recovery is working in terms of my depression and anger, but in terms of the eating disorder? Not even close if I am being honest. It’s easy to say I don’t have an eating disorder when I’ve been the same weight for almost six months, but an eating disorder is more than weight, yes? So if we took weight out of it and simply looked at the emotional part and behaviors? It would be very apparent I had disordered eating. So with that said, I’m fighting everything. I don’t want to eat a healthy amount of food. I don’t want to weigh an average weight for my height.
10.) What further action can I take to apply the principles of hope, faith, and trust in my recovery?
None at this moment — I don’t want to do anymore for my recovery other than these questions and the meetings.
11.) How does my surrender in the first step help me in the third step?
By admitting I have a problem (step 1), I am more able to change my behaviors (step 3).
12.) Am I using the tool of sponsorship?
No.
