The Courage to Change…

“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The serenity prayer. We say it in recovery time and time again to help us overcome our adversities and surrender our hardships.

While in recovery, I’ve done a good job accepting what I could not change, but what I’ve realized, is I was ignoring the second part of that prayer. “…the courage to change the things I can.” I haven’t been praying for the power to change the things I can.

We are in a tough spot financially (again…). But this time it’s really bad. We aren’t sure what we are going to do; we’ve come to the point where we may consult those debt eliminator people. I have no idea if you can actually trust those people, but we are running out of options.

I’m still interning; however, my last day is tomorrow. I can no longer afford the hour commute to work for free. They are hiring, and I applied, but I’m not sure they will let me on the team.

I’ve had the ability to CHANGE my job situation these last few months, but I chose not to because I was lazy, scared, in denial, afraid, worried, you name it. I could have been looking for jobs, but I didn’t. And now we are HERE. In a place where we have almost no money and it’s only the 3rd of the month.

So now I’m back where I’ve been several times before in this marriage — looking for a job. I’m so, so, so sick of being in this situation. I’m sick of feeling bad, guilty, pressured, like a disappointment, lazy, stupid, unhireable, etc. I’m tired of putting my husband through this. I’m tired of not being able to afford nice things or trips or luxury items. Yet I seldom did anything to CHANGE IT!

So now I’m asking God for the courage to change my situation. I’m asking him to guide me in the right direction, to give me the courage to change, the courage to do what I need to do to get a paying job. I’m just so scared; I’m not a people person, I don’t have much experience, and the field I’m in takes a lot of responsibility. Sigh…