Step 10
I’m on step 10 now. I think I’m going to make a commitment to post a step 10 in here daily. Below is one of my formats.
Steps 1-3: God, today I am willing to to turn my life and will over to your care.
Steps 4-5: God, today I am afraid that we won’t be provided for. I am afraid things won’t go well. I’m afraid things won’t go my way. I’m afraid of not being able to get pregnant.
Step 6: God, I am willing to have you remove these defects of character.
Step 7: I pray that you remove from me every single defect of character which stands in the way of my usefulness to you and my fellows. Please remove my fear, anxiety, insecurity, and selfishness.
Step 8-9: Today I do not need to make amends with anyone.
Back.
I’m finally not sick anymore, but I still have some coughing going on. I think half of it has to do with my allergies and the other half is my body still recovering from my flu. My food plan is back on track, although I’m feeling as if I’m gaining weight. I know I’m probably not, and the fear of it isn’t as high as it usually is, so I’m not stressing out over it too much.
Last week a fellow anorexic came to an OA meeting, and I immediately got defensive and comparative. We’ve never had another young anorexic at the meeting before, so for two years I’ve been the smallest and youngest in the meetings. I was anxious the entire time and couldn’t enjoy the meeting. I was flustered during my share and felt like an idiot. I worried way too much about what she was thinking of me, and then I was jealous when her share was this profound and inspiring thing. I felt threatened and uncomfortable. I hoped she would never return.
I shared this with my sponsor and she made me realize I need to be open to everyone and every experience. I need to realize I’m not the best recovering anorexic out there. I need to be humble and not put myself on a high horse. She has a right to be there and get the recovery she needs.
She wasn’t there last night and even though I’m trying to be open I was glad she didn’t show. She had been in recovery for a while and I think she was just visiting from out of the area, but I guess that’s a character defect I’ll have to add to the list.
