Journal (Body Distortion)
So the last few days I’ve been sick with the flu. I haven’t thrown up due to sickness since I was a little girl. So it was quite traumatizing for me. Anyway, I haven’t eaten much in the last few days either, so I think I may have lost some weight. But I doubt I’ll ever know because I didn’t get to weigh myself, and my next weigh day is on Saturday, and by that time I’ll probably gain back whatever I lost due to being sick.
Hell, I don’t even know if I DID lose weight, but my mind plays awful tricks on me. Let me explain: If I think I’ve lost weight, my eyes will see my body as skinnier. I’ll “see” bones protruding that I didn’t see the day before, or if I think I’ve gained weight, I’ll see fat in places I didn’t see the day before. When in reality, these last few months my weight has only fluctuated maybe 1-2 pounds, so I know everything I see in the mirror is just fake. My body can’t physically change that drastically with a 1-2 pound weight loss/gain. But like now, I look at my body and see an almost emaciated form. And I’m sure by tomorrow that emaciated form will look fat.
Body dysmoprhia is a horrible thing. What do I REALLY look like to an unbias source?
