Recovering Anorexic

BOY have I FELL OFF THE RECOVERY TRAIN. I’m so disappointed in my actions, yet, I still can’t seem to get motivated enough to get back on. So today, right now, this is my first step in changing my behaviors so I can return to the life of serenity I was living a few weeks back.

Don’t get me wrong, the last few weeks have been precious and valuable. I went to Hawaii and got engaged to the most wonderful man. Our wedding planning has been so much fun (and stressful, haha). However, there’s still things looming above me that I need to take care of.

One is to get a job. I never thought job hunting would be this hard. I’ve basically given up all hope of getting a “real” job for a few months. Therefore, I’m trying to get a job somewhere close like Barnes and Noble. Scratch that. I’m more like pretending to try than actually doing it. See, I have this fear of PEOPLE in general, so anything that involves me having to use a cash register or dealing with people, I don’t want to do it. So I’ve really been slacking on the whole job thing. But tomorrow I have it planned to go to another Barnes and Noble and also apply at a Sees Candy place. I know they are looking for help now.

And as for FOOD, I can’t believe how bad I’ve been doing. I’m either restricting or eating more than I should. And after I week of this I thought I had for sure lost weight (which made me happy), but I GAINED. This little gain hasn’t pushed me into restricting, but I am mad over it. And I am determined to lose it somehow. Bad I know. I keep telling myself my urges to binge and the weight gain is due to a coming period. Hopefully that’s the verdict.

Alright. Onto a God Grant Me entry next.